Enough is Enough
by Sgt. Moffitt
Summary: Can you really blame the guy?
1. The last straw

_A/N: I don't own Hogan's Heroes and I don't get paid for this; it is truly a labor of love._

* * *

The fools investigating Luftstalag 13 would never discover what was really going on, he was sure of it. Various Gestapo agents had come and gone, most notably Major Hochstetter. Each of them in turn had turned the camp upside down, disturbing everyone.

And what had they revealed? Nothing!

Idiots, all of them. Particularly Hochstetter. How blind could one man be, anyway? Not to mention Klink, whose habit of believing every barefaced lie Colonel Hogan told him should have had the Kommandant at the Russian front long since.

And Langenscheidt, too. After all, he had gone to Paris with Hogan and LeBeau, and yet he'd never said a word about the trip to Klink or to the other guards. Fool!

Of course, Burkhalter showed up every now and then to throw his considerable weight around, but he had a remarkable ability to ignore what was in front of him in order to preserve his own hide. The General would never be instrumental in revealing the outrageous activities of the prisoners here.

It was all so unfair, and the frustrated and justifiable anger that he felt rose in his throat, almost choking him.

The situation was becoming unbearable, and something had to be done about it. Colonel Hogan must not be allowed to continue on his arrogant, destructive course.

And it was up to Hogan's fiercest enemy to bring about his downfall. It would be poetic justice, after all, since no one had suffered more than he at Hogan's hands.

An evil grin flickered as he checked the chamber of his supposedly unloaded rifle.

_Teddy bear, indeed._


	2. The decision

_A/N: I don't own Hogan's Heroes and I don't get paid for this; it is truly a labor of love._

* * *

The chamber was still empty, just as he'd known it would be. The evil grin vanished from Schultz's face and he slid the bolt back into place. He set the rifle to one side with a sigh; it just wasn't in him to kill anyone, not even the infuriating Colonel Hogan.

But his eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened as he watched the men gathered at the large table in the middle of the room. The other noncoms in the _Unteroffizierkaserne_ were in high spirits, talking over the latest escape attempt (which had been unsuccessful, _natürlich!_)

Corporal Zeller hoisted a congratulatory mug of _Bier, _crowing, "Didn't take us long to get our hands on Carter this time, did it?"

Kurtz leaned forward and clinked his mug against Zeller's. "Not long at all, my friend! How foolish of him to be lingering at the Hofbräu, when he could have been kilometers away!"

"No doubt because of the pretty barmaids there," snickered Kohl.

Huntzinger shook his grizzled head. "I would never have thought that one would be caught with a girl," he said. "I always figured him to be a naïve farm boy type."

"He's an American," said Grüler. "What did you expect? You've seen their movies!"

The others murmured agreement, and Schultz closed his eyes for a moment, taking a few deep calming breaths.

How gullible they all were. Langenscheidt was on furlough just now, but he would have been just as foolishly happy as the others about recapturing Carter...look at the way the young idiot had pretended that nothing had happened in Paris! They were all blind to the real situation, seeing only what they wanted to see.

But Schultz decided not to chastise his men for their gullibility, for what kind of example had he set them, after all?

His unfortunate strudel addiction was the reason he'd ended up under Colonel Hogan's thumb in the first place, and the always-present threat of the Russian front had kept him in a state of not-knowing, not-seeing ever since. Over and over again Schultz had covered for Hogan and his band of hooligans instead of exposing them, as they so richly deserved.

How could he expect his men to question the bizarre happenings at Luftstalag 13, when their Sergeant of the Guard was complicit in covering up those happenings?

_Ach, _how resentful Schultz was for being put into this position! And he resented the fact that Colonel Hogan, not the big shot, was for all intents and purposes in command of Luftstalag 13. True, the Kommandant was just as infuriating as Hogan, but it was Schultz's job to obey his orders after all, and at least Klink was _German._

Colonel Hogan always did just what he wanted to do, manipulating Klink with an easy charm that had Schultz seething with envy. And the glib explanations he gave Klink for every odd occurrence at the camp made Schultz wonder how someone as stupid as the Kommandant had managed to survive the first war, let alone this one.

And those prisoners! They always assumed that he would go along with whatever silly plan they had going, even if it might mean the firing squad for him...or at the very least, a transfer to a much colder climate.

Why couldn't they just sit out the war like normal POWs? Why did they have to get up to monkey business? Was he the only man of sense in all of Germany?

There was no justice, none at all!

Most people thought Major Hochstetter was Hogan's greatest enemy. Not so! Hochstetter only suspected that Hogan was making a fool of him. Schultz _knew_ that Hogan was making a fool of him. And like the fool he was, he continued to dance to a tune of Colonel Hogan's piping, fearful of changing the status quo.

Schultz thought longingly of the time he had assumed command of Luftstalag 13, when the order came through for senior noncommissioned officers on the home front to receive command training. Colonel Hogan had been forced to show him some respect then, hadn't he? But then Schultz belatedly remembered how that assignment had resulted in failure and humiliation for himself, because LeBeau and Newkirk had managed to escape during his tenure as Kommandant.

He gritted his teeth as he thought: _And Colonel Hogan planned it that way, I am sure!_

Schultz was certain that all of those times when he had looked the other way, Colonel Hogan and the rest of the prisoners had been laughing behind his back. He had been used and ridiculed, and by enemy prisoners!

It was just too painful to think about, and he decided to go to bed.

* * *

_He was struggling but they were too much for him. His desperate grip was broken and he fell backwards through the opening—down, down, down into the fathomless darkness..._

Schultz sat bolt upright on his bunk, eyes wide open and staring blindly into the darkness of the barracks. He drew a slow, shaky breath and passed a trembling hand across his perspiring brow. Again the dream! Would he ever be able to put that to rest?

No, he never would. And never would he forgive Hogan for throwing him out of General Biedenbender's plane. Or for forcing him to go along on that insane trip to begin with. Or for a myriad of other dangerous and humiliating stunts.

More memories crowded in on him and he covered his face with his hands, moaning softly.

Impersonating _Reichsmarschall _Göring at the behest of that troublemaker Marya! Impersonating Colonel Klink to get Carter, Newkirk and LeBeau out of Gestapo custody at Stalag 4! Impersonating Santa Claus for the benefit of General Schmidt, who would not have recognized an American cultural icon in any case! Impersonating a _Heer _general during that infamous trip to Paris!

Colonel Hogan never seemed to remember all the things Schultz had done for him, and at great personal risk, too!

Modeling that wedding dress for Burkhalter's niece had been the worst insult of all. Oh, he'd kept a jovial smile on his face, but he had been burning with shame inside. No amount of strudel would make up for that!

But even more infuriating—and frightening—was the monkey business that threatened Schultz's carefully nurtured and relatively safe position at Luftstalag 13.

There were so many times that the prisoners' antics had caused him trouble, and those were just the times he knew about. No doubt Hogan and his men had used him many times without his knowledge as well, making fun of him all the while. And to think how kindly he had thought of them, referring to them as "my boys"!

_Never again,_ he vowed to himself, hardening his heart.

Schultz swung his legs over the edge of his bunk and sat for a moment, thinking. No, he did not have it in him to kill Colonel Hogan. But he was more than capable of putting a stop to Hogan's activities...the only questions that remained were _how_ and _when__..._


	3. The golden opportunity

_A/N: I don't own Hogan's Heroes and I don't get paid for this; it is truly a labor of love._

Missing scenes from "Klink vs. the Gonculator". A few lines of dialogue from the episode are included.

* * *

Schultz hauled himself out of his bunk the next morning with the nightmare still weighing on his mind. He did his morning ablutions and donned his uniform, muttered a gruff morning greeting to the men in his barracks, and led the way out into the compound, which was even more dull and colorless than usual in the early morning half-light.

Each of the guards went to his assigned barracks and the rousing of the prisoners for _Appell _began. Schultz strode over to Barracks 2 and slammed open the door, bellowing: _"Raus! Raus! Raus!"_

A sleepy chorus of grunts and groans was the only response, and Schultz frowned, even though he'd heard the same thing hundreds of times before. Somehow the familiarity of the scene exacerbated his discontent, and his voice rose with real anger: "Roll call! Roll call!"

Failing to get the desired result, he stomped his foot to emphasize his point. "_Raus, verdammt!"_

Carter pulled his blanket down and stared at Schultz in a bleary fashion. "If that means what I think it means, well, that's just plain rude!"

Schultz swelled with righteous indignation. "I said_ RAUS!"_

"Leave off, Schultzie!" Newkirk swung his legs over the edge of his bunk and hopped down. "What's got your knickers in a twist this morning, eh?"

LeBeau sat up and yawned. "He is suffering from a strudel deficiency, _sans doute."_

This was quite true, but Schultz wasn't about to admit it. "Who needs your strudel, Cockroach? Nobody, that's who! Now get up, roll call in five minutes!"

All through roll call Schultz fumed, still dwelling on his grievances. After a bit of reflection, though, he realized that acting grumpy and uncooperative would not cause Hogan and his crew to stop their activities. They would simply work around him, taking it for granted that he would see nothing, know nothing!

No, he must pretend to cooperate, and then he could gather the information that would stop their monkey business once and for all.

* * *

For the next week, Schultz took pains to be his normal jovial self, lulling his charges into a false sense of security. (Or so he thought.) He was unwilling to admit even to himself that he had missed the friendly banter between himself and the prisoners, and he firmly put that notion out of his mind, reminding himself just why he was being (temporarily) nice to Hogan and his men.

And on the following Tuesday, his patience was rewarded.

He carried out his normal barracks inspection in Barracks 1, 3 and 4, and encountered only the usual grumbling from the inhabitants as he made his way through the various items of clothing hanging from the bunks. But then he entered Barracks 2 late in the afternoon and caught Hogan and his hooligans red-handed!

Hogan had his back to the barracks door, and he did not seem to be in a good mood. "All right, look, no excuses. How much longer is it going to take to finish this gonculator?"

Schultz paused before venturing further into the room. Newkirk, LeBeau, Kinchloe and Carter were gathered around the common room table, whereon rested a very suspicious-looking oblong wooden box. Newkirk and Kinchloe immediately rushed into speech, offering excuses to their commander: there was a lack of parts for the object—something about merkeljammers, wiring relays, electronic interference and rheostats.

Schultz had no idea what any of those things were, but he happened to possess a very retentive memory. He filed away everything Hogan and his men were saying, all the while maintaining what he considered a very stupid expression on his face.

Hogan caught sight of Schultz at this point, and tried to pretend that there was nothing unusual going on, but of course Schultz was not fooled. Hogan and his men were desperately trying to conceal the box from his view!

The Colonel had the temerity to insist that the box was merely a rabbit trap, and he and his men were oh-so-casual about it...yes, yes, it was just a rabbit trap.

A rabbit trap! Did they think he was some kind of _Dummkopf?_ This had to be something ver-r-ry important, or Colonel Hogan would have used his customary blackmailing maneuver by saying, "Schultz, do you _really _want to know what's going on?"

Schultz noted grimly that Hogan and his men hadn't tried to bribe him, either. And so he pretended to be oh-so-casual too. He yawned, stretched and excused himself from the barracks on the grounds that he needed a little nap.

The portly sergeant made it to the Kommandantur in eleven seconds flat. The unusual exertion made him quite out of breath of course, but it was worth it. The Kommandant would have to acknowledge Schultz's fine detective work, Hogan's latest scheme would be revealed, and finally, _finally_ there would be no more monkey business.

And he, Schultz, would be the hero! At last he had something substantial to report, and Colonel Hogan would never know just how he had come to grief.

But that dratted Kommandant was so busy with his endless paperwork that he was refusing to see anyone. Schultz was prepared to be patient, however. Under the amused and tolerant gaze of _Fräulein_ Hilda, he settled himself into a chair in the outer office and took out a little notebook.

Schultz opened the notebook and carefully wrote down everything that Colonel Hogan and his men had so carelessly revealed to him. He looked over the damning words and nodded to himself.

"What have you got there, Sergeant Schultz?" _Fräulein_ Hilda asked politely, but Schultz wasn't about to blab about his discovery, and possibly end up having to share the credit.

"Nothing!" he told her, hastily tucking the notebook inside a coat pocket. "I have _noth-ing!"_

She shrugged and returned to her filing, and Schultz decided to make good on his stated intention of taking a nap. He folded his hands over his ample midsection and closed his eyes.

* * *

Two hours later Schultz was finally allowed into the Kommandant's office, only to be summarily dismissed by Klink before he could get a word in edgewise. Grinding his teeth in frustration, he backed out of the office, almost colliding with that annoying Colonel Hogan.

Somehow slamming the office door didn't make him feel any better.

Schultz made his way to the _Unteroffizierkaserne_ and took out his frustrations on a ham sandwich. With mustard. A man was entitled to take his comfort where he could find it, wasn't he? On that thought, he decided to have another sandwich.

After attending to his inner _Feldwebel,_ Schultz presented himself back at Klink's office. Hilda had gone home for the day, and as Schultz brushed by her desk he knocked over a huge stack of envelopes bearing the inscription "Attention: Colonel Johann Schmidt". He hastily piled them back on the desk and went to the Kommandant's office door and tapped on it briskly.

As Schultz entered the office he noticed that the Kommandant had miraculously rid himself of the mountain of paperwork that had been covering his desk, and was in a much more receptive mood. Schultz's hopes rose as he opened his mouth to speak...

Unfortunately, General Burkhalter called just as Schultz was about to unburden himself. Fortunately, the call was very brief, just to let Klink know that the General would be visiting the next day for an inspection, and as Klink replaced the receiver, he deigned to show interest in Schultz's news.

Schultz produced the notebook and, assuming a very professional manner, told the Kommandant all about the gonculator. He could tell that Klink was impressed, and even annoyed that Hogan had the nerve to build a gonculator right under his (Klink's) very nose!

Schultz felt vindicated for all the times the Kommandant had referred to him as a _Dummkopf. _He and Klink promptly went to Barracks 2 and ordered the prisoners out, ostensibly to clean up the motor pool area prior to Burkhalter's pending inspection.

Hogan and his men grumbled, but they had no option but to leave the barracks. And within a very few moments, Schultz and Klink uncovered the evil machine, which had been hidden cleverly under a footlocker. Schultz was all for destroying the thing, but the Kommandant forestalled him.

"I want General Burkhalter to see this first," he said, and Schultz felt even more vindicated. His discovery of Colonel Hogan's perfidy would get attention from the bigwig himself!

* * *

The next day, Schultz was gratified to find that General Burkhalter and Kommandant Klink wanted him to gather further information on the gonculator. The two officers planned to allow Hogan and his men to work on the device, and Schultz was to observe their activities and report to Klink.

He took up his post that evening right outside one of the windows of Barracks 2, with the receiver from a two-way radio pressed firmly to his ear. Schultz's eyes widened as he watched Hogan and his men gathered around the gonculator, and as he listened to their conversation.

They were attaching all sorts of odd things to the device, but apparently since the "Lutz diagram" was not available to them, they were unable to go any further. Schultz obediently relayed this information to the Kommandant over the two-way radio, and he continued to stare through the barracks window, watching for developments.

At that moment the window flew open and a bucket of water was flung out, completely saturating poor Schultz.

He wiped off his face with his sleeve and told himself that taking on such a dangerous assignment was bound to have caused him discomfort at some point. But it was worth it, if it meant that Hogan would never be able to get up to such monkey business again. Schultz closed his eyes for a moment, dreaming blissfully of a Luftstalag 13 where all the prisoners behaved themselves and treated their Sergeant of the Guard with proper respect.

_That day is almost here,_ he thought, and smiled.

* * *

The next day a _Wehrmacht _major by the name of Lutz arrived in camp, accompanied by a black-clad individual who was obviously Gestapo. Schultz was a little disturbed by this...did he really want _anyone_ to be investigated by the Gestapo, even the nefarious Colonel Hogan? But he sternly told himself that it was Hogan's own fault, after all.

After a short time Schultz was summoned to the Kommandant's office, and he was informed that now the electronics expert Major Lutz had arrived, the gonculator was to be revealed, and Schultz would be doing the revealing!

Schultz cast a quick glance at the man in black, but luckily at this point Hilda offered the Gestapo man some tea, and he consented to remain at the Kommandantur during Major Lutz's investigation. Schultz heaved an inward sigh of relief; better by far that this Major Lutz be the one to discover the true nature of the gonculator, rather than his Gestapo shadow.

He kept that in mind as he proudly led the procession of Colonel Klink, General Burkhalter and Major Lutz to Barracks 2. Inside the barracks Klink told Colonel Hogan and his men to step aside, and ordered Schultz to uncover the gonculator.

Schultz waddled over to the footlocker and tilted it upwards, revealing the device. Grunting slightly, he bent to pick up the gonculator and carried it to the table in the middle of the room.

Schultz could tell that Hogan was obviously taken aback at the discovery, but the Colonel made an effort to downplay his illegal activities. "That's not a gonculator!" he lied, tapping his fingers nervously on the device. "It's a toy I made for my little niece Lila!"

Schultz scoffed at that inwardly, and it was apparent that Klink and Burkhalter were not deceived either. Major Lutz's attention, however, was fixed on the gonculator, and a slight smile was on his face as he walked around the table, examining the device.

Then he loosened the power cord from the gonculator and looked up, straight at Schultz. "Quite interesting! Would someone please plug this in...Sergeant?"

Schultz almost burst with pride to be selected by the electronics expert to help with his investigation. He took the power cord and plugged it into an outlet across the room.

He was never quite sure afterwards just what happened next. All he knew was that suddenly the overhead light went out, and there was noise, smoke, sparks, and finally a burst of flame.

Above all the commotion, he heard the Kommandant's voice:

_"Schu-u-u-ultz! PULL OUT THE PLUG!"_

Schultz quickly complied, but he could only watch dumbfounded, the forgotten (and now detached) cord of the gonculator dangling from his hand. The smoke and the noise had subsided, and all that was left of the gonculator itself was a scorched and smoking mass of wires and splintered wood.

As for Major Lutz...where _was _Major Lutz? Klink asked that very question as he and General Burkhalter warily approached the scene of the disaster (after cowering for the last few minutes near the door).

The only response was the sorrowful gaze that Hogan and his men directed toward a charred and crumpled pile of clothing—complete with smoldering boots—at their feet.

The Kommandant gingerly picked up a corner of the still-smoking garment, and looked at it sorrowfully as well. He asked for a moment of silence for the brave Major Lutz, and Schultz found himself bowing his head along with everyone else in the room.

Once this observance was completed, General Burkhalter took himself off to deal with Lutz's Gestapo shadow, and Colonel Klink approached Colonel Hogan in a menacing manner.

"Hogan, I'm going to throw the book at you!"

Hogan frowned. "What did _I_ do?"

The big shot was really annoyed, and Schultz gleefully watched as Klink stormed, "You _know _what—you built an illegal gonculator!"

Schultz rejoiced in his heart. Finally the Kommandant was going to put a stop to Hogan's activities!

But the next moment, Schultz watched in dismay as Colonel Hogan talked his way out of a jam once more, ending up promising to never build another gonculator.

It would appear that Schultz's hopes of exposing Colonel Hogan had gone up in smoke...literally.

* * *

Schultz wasn't ready to give up yet, though, and that evening he asked to speak with the Kommandant again. How could the Kommandant possibly overlook Hogan's egregious behavior? Or accept that Major Lutz had somehow vanished into thin air as a result of the gonculator bursting into flame?

Klink had been in the Great War, just as Schultz had. He had to know what death looked like, and smelled like! There had certainly been a smell of smoke and sulfur in the air today, but not the stench of death...that was a smell no one could ever forget. Not to mention that there had been no sign of human remains.

_No one died in that barracks, least of all Major Lutz!_

Surely the Kommandant must realize that Major Lutz's disappearing act was just that—an act. One which had surely been contrived by Colonel Hogan, for reasons of his own. And that gonculator—whatever its purpose, it was a dangerous machine, one which Hogan and his men had no business building.

But Schultz found a strangely unresponsive Kommandant when he tried to bring up the subject.

Klink waved a dismissive hand. "Whatever Hogan and his men were working on, it is gone now, along with Major Lutz. And if you think I'm going to try to explain that very odd occurrence—in _quadruplicate_—to Berlin, you are sadly mistaken! The Gestapo accepts that Major Lutz was killed when the gonculator exploded, and I am not going to argue with _them_."

"But-but-but..._Herr Kommandant_, the prisoners were working on a dangerous machine! In the barracks! And if the explosion of the gonculator killed Major Lutz, should not the prisoners be held responsible?"

Klink considered this for a moment. Then he adjusted his monocle and peered at Schultz. "I don't think you want to pursue that train of thought, Sergeant Schultz. After all, y_ou_ were the one who plugged it in!"

Schultz stared at him, his mouth hanging open. And the only thought that came to mind was this:

_Colonel Hogan wins again._


End file.
